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15th November, 2004. 7:25 pm. this journal is no more

I probably already added you to my new one.

if not make a request here.

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30th October, 2004. 4:49 am. October update.

1. We thought we were going to have to put our family dog Sassy to sleep but we took her to the vet and got her some pills to make her better. I'm not sure how longterm these pills will help but hopefully she has at least another year.

2. My job is going well. They have me training someone. How funny is that? I barely know the job myself but oh well. I'm mainly showing her how to play online all night and watch TV.

3. School is going fine, or at least I think. This semester has been very crazy. Luckily no teachers are holding abcenses against us, or else I would have failed every class! I did have to drop my Speech class. It was just to damn early in the morning (Noon!).

4. Nicki's birthday was great. I was very impressed by her party. It's the best one she's thrown yet. It's nice to have a friend who actually gives a damn about their birthday and halloween. I also went to Halloween Horror Nights again with her. That was fun. It was a bad choice though. I really need to stop my spending habits. Now I've got overdraft charges again. Which isn't good.

5. A former friend of mine went off on me and made me feel like shit. She said some pretty harsh things. Some of which weren't just mean towards me but to other people in order to upset me even more. Good riddance though. I was sick of her being a lazy broke bitch anyway.

I want to move to Atlanta within 6 months. It's far enough away but not too far.

Current mood: contemplative.

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16th October, 2004. 2:57 pm. Halloween Horror Nights 14

Courtney, her girlfriend, and I all went to Halloween Horror Nights last night. It was soooo cold. LOL. None of us thought to bring jackets. We had a lot of fun though. We got to go on 3 houses. The Wax Museum, Castle Vampyre, and the Disoriontoriom. I liked the Disorientorium the most.

I liked it more this year than I did last year. Last year was kind of a drag because of certain people. The certain people who walk as slow as fucking possible through the whole thing to prove they arent scared. And of course I was stuck behind that person.

All in all it was pretty scary. teheh.

Current mood: scared.

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9th October, 2004. 12:58 am. Happy Birthday

Happy 55th Birthday Sigourney!

Foxiest 55 year old ever!

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5th October, 2004. 8:18 pm. this just isn't my year

Last night my moms cat Sunshine gave birth to five babies. This morning we noticed something hanging out of her that appeared to be afterbirth. We didnt want to chance anything so we drove her to a vet immediatly. It turnes out she lapsed her uteris. She had to be put to sleep. This was really hard on my mom, she loved the cat a lot. The worst part is, she left 5 little babies. My mother and I bought some bottles and kitten formula. I've been bottle feeding most of them, which is very hard to do. I really hope all five of them survive, I don't think my mom could take all these kittens dying on her.

err to lighten up the mood of this post....

Your LJ Halloween Party by Karen_Walker
You're Dressed Asa Carrot
The Rock Star_holistic
The Naughty Nurseaarony
The School Girlredtears
The Witchgrrrldrummer
The Care Bearafterxmidnight
The French Maidbrightestpixel
The Dominatrixassignment
The Clownrabidchild23
The Cowboycourtneyloves
The Porn Starcherryriot
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Current mood: sad.

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3rd October, 2004. 4:23 am. movies

During the last hurricane I went without power for a week and stayed at Squirrel's house to mooch of her electricity and frozen foods. We watched a lot of movies that week and here are my mini reviews for all of them:

Blood Gnome
This delightful little B movie about S&M and killer gnomes was the first movie we watched. It was pretty bad and not even as amusing as most B movies. The lead bondage chick awkwardly mentions "BDSM" in every conversation when someone else is to "shy" to say it. I fell asleep towards the end.

9 Dead Gay Guys
Just hearing the video clerk tell me "9 dead gay guys *pause* *ponders what he just said* *shakes head* 9 dead gay guys is due back monday" made renting this movie worth it. Luckily the movie turned out to be really really good. All the charecters are really interesting and fun to watch. Its pretty silly and defys logic a lot but its still an interesting treasure hunt movie.

But I'm a Cheerleader
Continuing with the Independent Queer cinema we got this movie. I had been hearing about this film since it came out but never actually had a chance to watch it. It was a great movie with lots of your typical John Waters style comedy and charecters. Rupaul playing a man who tries to teach people not to be gay is pretty funny.

Silent Night Deadly Night 5 : The Toy Maker
Back to the B Horror movies. I feel asleep 10 minutes in to this. Squirrel watched it without me when I went to class and said it wasnt worth watching. Im not suprised.

Finally a good B Horror film. I was suprised by this film because it didnt even seem to try to be horror at all. I had seen Troll 2 before this one and was expecting a film like that but the first one is actually very different. Nice movie, funny to see Elaine from Seinfeld in it.

Troll II
Double feature baby. I forgot how badly acted this one was. I hadn't seen this in 10 years and I remember loving it as a kid. As an adult I cant stand it lol.

That was about it for movies I hadnt seen before. We also watched classics like Serial Mom, Freeway, Die Mommie Die and Spinal Tap during the week.

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24th September, 2004. 6:25 pm.

Yesterday was Grant's memorial service at FIT. As soon as I walked into the building I started crying. The first thing I saw was this gorgeous picture of him smiling in front of the school. I kind of laughed for a second because the picture just seemed odd to me. It was like the photographer said to him, "Now smile this is going to be the one we use for your memorial".

I sat down and started crying some more. I sat in the back so no one would see me. I was joined by Nicki and Dan when they got there and luckily by then I had managed to stop crying. Some people he worked with and a teacher of his told some remembrances about him. It was beautiful to hear. Yet very painful at the same time. This whole time I hadnt realized exactly how many people this affected. I had always felt very alone with Nicki and Dan on this but now I see that wasnt true.

After everything I finally got to meet some of his family. His grandmother gave us some Jehovah's Witness pamphlets and seemed not to know who we were really. His mothers were very nice and smiled when they met me. When Nicki introduced me to his sister she raised her eyebrow and said "I've heard of you". It made me giggle a little. I'd love to meet them again but I still just dont feel like I have a place to. Although I know what he and I shared, no one else does. I just feel like no matter what I say its not validated by any facts. There was no proof of what went on with us. Maybe thats why I feel like I dont have the right to meet them.

I had another dream about him last night too. Once again, he was still alive. He had faked this all actually. Yet I coudlnt get to him for some reason and he was driven off in a car. I keep circling around the same idea of me not getting to say goodbye to him. I woke up sobbing.

Current mood: crushed.

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22nd September, 2004. 9:06 am. Gay Shamrock

Well I went out and got a new tattoo. It was pretty spur of the moment. I had decided not to get the leperchaun on my lower back and comprimised it into a gay shamrock. I really like the artist who did it. Im going to have him turn it into a sleeve for me. Well, without no further ado, here's the picture :

I had to use my old webcam to take the photo, I cant find the chord for my digital camera.

Current mood: excited.

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18th September, 2004. 1:13 am. Walk On By

The other week a friend of mine wanted to listen to this Cyndi Lauper CD I had. It was a cd I didnt care much for on first listen so it rarely got repeated listenings. Its a cd of her doing 50s covers. I bought it for her cover of Unchained Melody but I didnt like the cover that much. When we were listening to it though I realized that I really liked her cover of "Walk On By". I've been listening to it compulsively. Its a good break up song. Here are the words:

If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry each time we meet
Walk on by, walk on by

Make believe
that you don't see the tears
Just let me grieve
in private 'cause each time I see you
I break down and cry
And walk on by (don't stop)

I just can't get over losing you
And so if I seem broken and blue
Walk on by, walk on by

Foolish pride
Is all that I have left
So let me hide
The tears and the sadness you gave me
When you said goodbye
Walk on by

Really good stuff. They just dont write them like they used to.

My job has been going okay. Im a little nervous on how the money will affect the SSI check my Mom gets for me. Other than that its a great job. I barely have to do anything. Im sitting here updating my LJ while at work lol.

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12th September, 2004. 4:12 am. Random Updates.

I no longer work at Denny's. They fired me. I was obviously upset from the events of mid august and told them I couldn't come into work and they said to come in anyway. So I did. Then something happened with me and one of the cooks and I left. I went to my car and broke down. I tried explaining myself but they fired me anyway. It was a very messy situation and I really dont believe how they treated me. They showed no remorse for what I was going through at all. I was fired exactly one year after I started. Isnt that crazy?

I got a new job! I now work at the Holiday Inn Express in Cocoa. Its a lot closer to where I live which is great. (3.6 miles) as opposed to the 12 miles before. I only work 3 days a week, but at least I have a foot in the door. I wont be making as much as I did at Denny's but at least I wont have to be in such a stressful and degrading enviroment.

Due to the hurricane, Grant's memorial at FIT was postponed to later this month. I cant believe its almost been a month. I still miss him so much that I just weep in bed when I go to sleep and I yell in my car at him. People driving by me must think I'm insane. I just really hope he truely wanted this and that he's happy now. Maybe its selfish of me to want my happiness of him still being here over his happiness of not being here but I just feel so discarded.

Due to the hurricane I havent been to school in 2 weeks, which really sucks! I want to go back already. It starts back up on monday.

Oh yeah, I've decided to take a break from my leg tattoos and get a lower back piece. It's going to be a leperchaun with a rainbow behind him. The rainbow is going to go down to my butt crack and have some gold coins popping out. The idea is that my ass is a pot of gold. Which it is, just ask all the soldiers in PAFB. It's my way of saluting my Irish heritage and offending it at the same time.

I think I want to start going by Johnny.

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